Things Least Likely to be Said During the Presidential Debates

  • My opponent made an excellent point, which I agree with without reservation.
  • Uh, I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it before.
  • I have way too much time to talk, can I have less?
  • That’s what she said.
  • No one told me there would be questions!
  • Shut up, I’m the motherfucking president.
  • …And I’m a Mormon.
  • Please remember to follow me on Instagram!
  • I regret not selecting Ms. Palin as my running mate.
  • My fellow Armenians…
  • I got Bin Laden.  Just sayin’.
  • Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
  • Fire!  Just kidding.  Well now that I’ve deflected that question, let’s talk about my taxes…
  • It was hard being an international student at Columbia…
  • All right, everybody be cool, this is a robbery!
  • Dudes, trust me.
  • Jinx!
  • That was a very valid point, but I would like to counter with the fact that my opponent is a poo-poo penisface.
  • But seriously guys, fuck Canada.

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