Guilty Pleasures of an Adult Heterosexual Male

Peeing in the kiddie size urinal
Let’s be real, we all do it when nobody’s looking…

Scented Candles
They make my room smell fruity and delicious.

Garnier Fructis
It makes my hair smell fruity and delicious.

Rolling in the Deep is downright beautiful and I’m not ashamed to say it. It’s the anthem of our generation and probably the best song that has ever been written in ever. When I get married and all I can ever think about during sex is Adele and it begins to tear my marriage to shreds and my wife simply can’t get over the fact that I never clean the Adele footie pajamas that I wear every night so that her face can be all over me while I dream of her so she leaves me and gets the kids (and their Adele lunchboxes) in the divorce it will all be okay because then I’ll feel sad and get to listen to my sad times playlist: Someone Like You fourteen times in a row. God dammit she just gets me.

Eating little food
It makes me feel like a big person.

Low carb diets
After I eat large amounts of little food and feel a little large myself I’m big into low carb diets.

Being the Little Spoon
Sometimes it’s nice to be held.

Spin class
Free weights are for pussies. Real men take spin class.

Protein shakes are gross and I want all the ladies in my spin class to think that I’m into protein. Milk and ice cream have protein anyway, right? Plus, milkshakes make my mouth taste fruity and delicious.

Dressing up in a skirt and tube top, putting on lipstick and eyeliner, covering my arms in My Little Pony temporary tattoos, and playing Settlers of Catan with three shirtless midgets
Self explanatory.


-Alex Judge ’14

Illustrations KGR ’15

You May Also Like