Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?, As Told by Famous Comedians

 

Jerry Seinfeld

What’s the deal with chickens crossing roads? I’ve never seen a chicken cross a road, have you? Is this some big chicken conspiracy? Is there even another side to this “road”?

 

Bill Cosby

Why, did the zip zoppity chicken zoop wop bop cross the zip zip zoop road? To get zip woppity do zip wop other pudding pops wop zippity side.

 

Dane Cook

Okay so there’s this chicken. A CHICKEN! And this chicken’s name is Paul, okay? So Paul’s wife has just left him, get that, right, huh? And so anyway Paul’s wife left him, so Paul’s thinking he needs to make a change in his life.  So, get this, he CROSSES the road. Yeah, I said it.

 

Bob Saget

Why did the fucking chicken cross the shitty-ass road? To fuck the Olsen twins.

 

Jeff Foxworthy

If you cross the road with your feathers groomed in the shape of a mullet, you might be a redneck chicken.

 

Lisa Lampanelli

The chicken doesn’t have to cross the road. I’ll cross the road to get to that big black cock.

 

Daniel Tosh

Check out this video an intern found on youtube.

Typical black man always trying to divert responsibility…Sorry…Too racist? Too racist? [shrug]

 

Bill Maher

Why did the chicken cross the road? I’ll tell you why, it’s because Barack Obama doesn’t have the balls to fight for gay marriage equality in an election year and apparently it takes a chicken to stand up against that.

 

Demetri Martin

If I were a road crossing chicken, I’d be pretty upset. “There’s a whole video game about frogs doing this, and all we get is a joke?”

 

Chris Rock

White chickens and black chickens cross the road very differently. When a white chicken crosses the road, the police don’t follow.

 

Jim Gaffigan

Chickens crossing roads? When did that become the default joke? At what period in time did we have both well-established roads and freely roaming chickens? “Uh, Daddy, why did the chicken cross the road” “Because you didn’t close its cage son” and then he whips him. Its not pleasant. “I don’t think that’s how the joke started” Have you ever had chicken nuggets, though? Chicken nuggets are delicious. I’d cross a road for chicken nuggets. “How long is this guy gonna talk about chickens?”

 

Lewis Black

THE CHICKEN WANTS TO STAY ON THE SAME SIDE, BUT SOME BIBLE-BASHING DUMBASS CREATIONIST LURES IT TO THE OTHER SIDE TO INDOCTRINATE THEIR KIDS ON HOW GOD MADE IT. AFTER THEY’RE DONE WITH IT, SOME DIRTBAG CORPORATION WILL TAKE IT, CHOP IT UP, SELL IT TO FAT DISGUSTING SLOB-ASS AMERICANS. THIS IS IF THE FUCKING REPUBLICANS DON’T FUCK IT ALL UP. IT PISSES ME OFF!!

 

– MES ’14 (et al), Artwork by KR ’15

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