What Is Best In Life?

 Bill Murray riding Bruce Willis down a sand dune on Mars bro carrying a handful of police badges drenched in Ovaltine in his right hand and in his left carrying the American flag upon which is impaled an adult dinosaur of above average intelligence which carries in its mouth a 36 pack of Vanilla Coke in glass bottles.  Bruce Willis is singing “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns N’ Roses while Keanu Reeves from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Ralph Maccio from Crossroads accompany him on guitar, riding the hoverboards from Back To The Future 2 next to them.  The black guy from the Green Mile is looking on and nodding approvingly.  As they approach the sound barrier, the Swiss women’s synchronized diving team, wearing only bikini tops and low cut socks, is launched at them from an orbital space station, and they pleasure them to completion on contact.  At the bottom of the sand dune is a jump, off of which they are able to achieve escape velocity, launching them directly into the center of the sun, which explodes red, white, and blue for ten thousand years while every eagle and every World War II veteran scream in unison.

Dan Abromowitz ’13

Illustration Katie Rose ’15

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Mildly literate comedy since 1882

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