Mephistopheles: Nothing makes him happy, nothing sates the boy,

And so he chases ever-changing dreams;

This final… most awful… empty attempt,

He wishes to cling to it, it seems.

But he who defied me so long,

Time ‘s taken. The body lies here prolong;

The clock stands still.


Chorus of Devils: Still! Still as a campus on 10 AM on a Saturday.

The clock’s hand falls.


Mephistopheles: It is over. I have won.


Chorus of Devils: It is over! We’ve won!


Mephistopheles: The body lies, but should the soul wish to flee,

I will quickly show it the title signed in blood,

For man has devised methods in a flood

To withhold the devil’s guarantee…


Are you all new? Hurry the $%*_ hell up!

You with the beard, you with the horns

Quit weaving yourself a crown of thorns!

And bring the mouth of hell you stupid schlups.

Hell has so many gnashing, biting jaws –

Gorging on lies, deceit as they falter,

Leaving in its wake a shell full of flaws –

Heaven will ignore such a defaulter.

Now the mouth opens; the cavern of the throat ,

Reeks of flame and too-late regret,

And in the boiling smoke, close yon’ billy goat,

I see the city of flame in silhouette.


Heavenly Host: Follow, alumni,

Post-thesis drunk guy,

Into carefree flight,

Sinner forgiven,

For he is driven,

Thesis completed,

Brother be greeted,

Bring him to ascent ,

Who tarry-ith here.


Mephistopheles: Discord I hear, horrible elation,

From above it comes on an unwelcome day,

It is the roguish joy of some person’s salvation,

Let us hurry, so they don’t cheat us our pay.


Heavenly Host: Research, done with blessing,

Written, time most pressing,

Long task is completed,

Before the goat bleated,

Heart is at rest.

Words of a truth,

Gathered by youth,

While drinking vermouth,

Princeton thesis!


Mephistopheles: O shoo! the words you utter, choppy!

So inebriated you are… sloppy?!

Ha ha, inept though you may be,

I’m afraid you want my detainee.


Heavenly Host: What is not yours to take,

Shall be avoided,

What makes your innards quake,

Through it be voided.

If violent, you shall be

Here is holy decree,

The email has been sent,

Faust shall go free.



Faust’s degree is conferred onto him


Chorus Mysticus: All that has here occurred,

Is but parable,

Though it may be absurd,

Princeton ’s comparable:

The unexplainable,

Here has been done,

The un-attainable

Today is won.

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