Faust

PART III

Mephistopheles: As he does the deed, I propose

A song, so as we can remember,

How this great tradition arose,

And stoke pride in our sickest member.

 

Altmayer: (quietly) I know of no such song.

 

Frosch: Are you a songwriter?

 

Mepistopheles: Oh no! I lack the talent, but I love to sing.

 

Altmayer: Give us a song then!

 

(Frosch begins to drink the contents of the dumpster, as Mephisto sings his song.)

 

Mephistopheles: There once was a lil’ devil

Who joined a fraternity,

He wished to learn to revel,

In fun for eternity.

He called upon his brothers,

And they answered back to him:

They offered him some Souther’s,

And magazines to skim.

 

But when this wasn’t enough,

To maintain membership,

He ran through lessons in the buff,

As someone cracked a whip.

And girls there took a liking,

To this man, who’d take a dare,

They found his person striking,

And wished for him in prayer.

 

For this world lacks men of daring,

Most fear to take a chance,

And when this leads to despairing,

It brings them to finance.

So be the daring brother,

Strike out for something bold,

Unless you wish another,

To steal your dreams of old.

 

Frosch: Bravo! Bravo! That was stupendous!

 

Faust: (almost soberly) Are you insulting my major choice?

 

 

Helen

Devil tries to tempt Faust with the love of a beautiful woman – there is a lacuna in the manuscript here

 

Late Night in Firestone Library

Faust attempts to write his thesis in Firestone, which Mephistopheles will have none of

 

Faust: A tap? Who’s there? Who approaches me at this late hour?

 

Mephistopheles: It is me.

 

Faust: Yes, it is you.

Leave me be. I am working.

 

Mephistopheles: Such fervor you have, for walls of stone and racks of pages

As if its halls promise you wages;

An apt name they’ve given the place -

Library of Fire(and brim)stone! -

Were its awful namesake to you known,

I imagine you’d leave with haste.

Let us instead attend a party,

Where you can Hell’s hot halls defray;

I brought along enough Bacardi -

Let’s have a toast to college days

And set your lifeless cheeks ablaze!

 

Faust: Disastrous lout, you’d lead all men to ruin,

Had you one leash to wring the neck of mankind -

Apathetic times under your brewin’,

Are but a sticky ferment that deadens the mind.

My demon, I know, is hard to cut loose –

His claim on my attention is never ending –

If I keep on pulling that excuse,

Order won’t be the only thing descending.

 

Mephistopheles: As you wish then, I leave you here

To your meaningless, scholastic task,

Mankind puts on blinders from birth to bier

Yet you Faust shall bury your head in the cask!

 

(Mephistopheles leaves and much time elapses. A faltering Faust mutters into the depths of the library)

 

Faust: All through my life authorities

Told me what to do,

Buried in my mind they planned a silent coup,

Yet in his relation to me

The devil’s honesty was greater,

Than any I have met called an educator.

Yes! This much I have gained from my college time,

Truest wisdom made clear to me -

In working for one’s goals, freedom can obtain,

Granted I’m the one who holds my chain.

And so one should, beset by others’ command,

Through youth, middle, and old age make a stand.

 

(With wistfulness)

 

If I could just return to the start,

Begin again with the advice I impart,

Then should I not anguished declare:

“Tarry… You are so beautiful!”

The traces of my days at this school,

Shall carry on in eternity,

In anticipation of that era,

I now enjoy my crowning achievement.

 

(Faust falls backwards out of his chair)

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Mildly literate comedy since 1882

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