Faust

PART II

Faust’s Study

Mephistopheles, disguised as a member of the Honor Committee, tempts Faust before his Honor Committee hearing. In exchange, Faust promises to party with him.

 

Mephistopheles: I salute you, my forlorn fellow student!

What you’ve done was clearly not prudent.

 

Faust: Who are you?

 

Mephistopheles: A piece of the draconian force, which brings justice to academics.

 

Faust: What do you mean by this absurd remark?

 

Mephistopheles: I am the spirit of honor!

And rightly so, since I’ve been entrusted

To punish those ’ve been busted;

Though I’m much happier not to deign,

In upholding a law so arcane;

Corruption is my proper suit

And I should like to play Beirut.

 

Faust: You call yourself the whole, yet are but one of twelve.

 

Mephistopheles: In the humble truth we then shall delve.

Outsiders believe that our system is,

Loyal to its golden standard -

When in reality, the ancient stream has meandered.

 

Faust: Now, I see what you would like to say,

You mean to harness your mighty sway

So then what do you want from me?

 

Mephistopheles: I, a reputed shape shifter of sorts,

Want to drink like a state-school man,

Beer foam gushing down hand and can -

Cast away the books which keep me in

While all the others delight in sin -

Oh, how many breasts there are to squeeze!

You must help me, these urges to appease,

For this is true, man is a snake biting his tail,

And this devil has a great big maw,

Which he would turn on himself to gnaw,

Were there not so many hot college broads to nail.

So decide quickly what you choose for your fate,

Will you permit me to be your best mate?

But a warning is in order,

If you fail to reach graduation,

Your soul is mine to drag down to hell;

Yet act you not now, bid ambition farewell,

And face an earthly damnation.

 

Faust: You extend here a quandary,

I must carefully consider,

To hide the stench of dirty laundry,

It seems I must play the bidder,

I take this chance and sign it in blood,

You will learn to obtain your fun.

 

Auerbach’s Dumpster Behind Cottage Club

21 Club initiations

 

Mephistopheles: I must first, before all other things,

Bring you into the circle of kings,

Thus will you observe, how thrilling life can be,

When every day is approached with esprit.

With little ado this cadre drinks beers –

Before an open dumpster stand two-and-one,

Knocking back brews like a tommy gun –

For in this college, they have no peers.

But should one not finish all cups,

Upon dumpster juices he sups.

 

Brander: They look like they’ve come from working hard,

You can tell by the way that his eyes are marred:

(He points at Faust)

No desk lamp will strain your eyes here.

 

Frosch: You are right! Fetch these fine fellows a mug of the beast,

It is Princeton’s favorite and refines one’s tastes.

 

Mephistopheles: (too himself) Refines like paint thinner.

 

Siebel: (pointing at Faust) You must be the pledge we’re missing,

Let’s begin the rite of pissing.

 

Frosch: Let our vigil begin! With each a laden glass,

Loose the contents down your throat -

Hold steady! Only twenty more must you pass.

Then you’ll belong to a most noble bunch,

Nineteen… eighteen… now you have left to crunch.

 

Brander: Now on ten, we may see deception in the ranks.

 

Altmayer: Perhaps.

 

Siebel: This hurts, must I drink more?

 

Mephistopheles: (to Faust) Out drink that whiner over there,

And you must not drink from the dumpster.

 

Faust: (to Siebel) It’s just a few more, my friend!

 

Siebel: For words of comfort, I thank you.

I fear the next one may cause me to spew.

 

Mephistopheles: (to Siebel) So it may be, but some fellow may first,

Ease down eleven… twelve and thirteen will follow…

Fourteen will certainly slake your thirst.

 

Altmayer: (to Mephistopheles) You certainly belong among us.

What is your name bro?

 

Mephistopheles: In some places they call me Moloch –

I mean Broloch! Ye, Broloch.

In others I am known as Asbrodeus

In Israel, they donned me Abrodon,

But you can just call me Meph for short.

 

(Siebel fails to hold down the contents of his stomach.)

Frosch:  It seems with fifteen we’ve earned a secretary,

You’re called Siebel – did you foresee this resulting?

 

Siebel: My cup was poised for it,

And is ready for its just reward.

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