A Letter to the Defense

From the desk of Offense…


Where do you get off? Special teams told me what you said about me. I’m a showoff? Is that so? Where do you get the nerve? I’m busy winning games over here. You think you’re so great because of that interception in the third quarter? That’s fine. Go on, act like it was a game-changer. Oh wait, we were already up by 35, thanks to me. Or perhaps this is about Jessica. You’re jealous because my quarterback stole her from that oaf of a defensive lineman. It’s not my fault that I’m always scoring. And while we’re on the subject, quit telling girls that you’re “good in the sack”. We all know you mean “good at getting the sack”. It’s totally different (and who are we kidding, you’re not even good at that). The worst part is, you think that just because you can’t get it in to the end zone, you have to stop everyone else from getting it in too. Cock blocker.

Yours truly,


-MG, ’15

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