In a shocking revelation, yesterday afternoon Milk finally decided to go public about her true feelings towards Oreo.  It turns out that Milk and Oreos don’t mix as well as previously thought.
“Oreo isn’t even close to my favorite cookie,” said Milk to the Princeton Tiger in an exclusive interview. “There are so many better cookies out there – homemade and commercial. In fact, I don’t think I would be able to decide on a favorite cookie even if my life depended on it.” Milk proceeded to list some that would be up there in the rankings, including Snickerdoodle and Biscotti for homemade, and Nutter Butter, Walker’s Shortbread, and that flaky spirally cookie with chocolate on the inside that’s shaped like a straw for more commercial cookies. She insisted, however, that Oreo was not even close.
Milk is now suing both Oreo and his agent, Nabisco, for using her image in their commercials without consent, as well as pressing criminal charges for false advertising, embezzlement, and slavery.  It is not quite evident what the embezzlement charges are based upon.
It is unclear whether or not slavery is actually a crime that one can be charged with, but Milk was pretty convincing in her argument: “Nabisco kept me locked away inside a cold white box for weeks at a time. Quite frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t spoil.” 
Oreo, on the other hand, gives a completely different perspective on the story. “This is complete nonsense!” He yelled really loudly, “Clearly Milk is just another attention craving white chick wrongfully accusing an innocent black man!” It has since been confirmed that Oreo is actually only 2/3 black, though it is still unclear how exactly that ratio might have come about. The current leading explanation postulates that Oreo had either only one white grandmother (who slept with both of his grandfathers) or only one white grandfather (who slept with both of his grandmothers). 
And still, even though Oreo is two whole thirds black, his argument seems to be zero thirds working. “Honestly, the dude’s got no chance,” said Justice Sonia Sotomayor, “Juries love seeing celebrities like Oreo locked up behind bars, no matter how much mixed-race incest is in their family.”