Things Found in Bin Laden’s Mansion

  1. Your car keys
  2. DVD of Ankles of Tehran IV: These IslamaBad Girls Have BaghDaddy Issues
  3. The last horcrux
  4. Jimmy Hoffa’s body
  5. Tupac, who was also shot, but survived
  6. Seasons 2-5 of prophetic police procedural, “The Funda-mentalist”
  7. The napkin I wrote my number on that I gave to that super hot girl who I met at the bar who was totally into me, but then she never called
  8. The missing Watergate tapes
  9. Carmen San Diego
  10. Will of the Proletariat

-Staff

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