22 Rejected Thesis Titles

Making Melanoma: Titration of the Dose of Zinc-based UV-ray Blocking Products to Produce the Optimal Skin Pigmentation in a Caucasian Male

A Comparative Analysis of Hops-based Alcoholic Beverages

How Much Money Can I Get the University to Give Me: A Quantitative Analysis

Global warming: Why we’re all going to die in a fiery inferno

Religion: Why we’re all going to die in a fiery inferno

Herro Prease: Translating Cultures

Fucking Magnets: How Do They Work?

Pop It Like It’s Hot: The Social and Historical Impacts of the Polo Shirt

Why the South Won

Synthesis of 1-(1-phenylcyclohexyl)piperidine From Common Household Chemicals and the Unicorns the Inhabit my Bedroom

How Orange is too Orange? This Orange.

This is Not a Study on Reverse Psychology

Why Princeton Hates Black People, by Michelle Obama

What the Fuck is a Wuthering: A Close Reading of Emily Bronte

Which Bronte Wrote That Anyway: It Was Emily

Hay Desmasiado Mexicanos: Ay!

Midgets: Little People or Big Kids?

Anthropology: That’s a Thing, Right?

My Father Runs a Hedgefund: Or, Why I Don’t Have to Write a Thesis

Eugenics: Wait, No, Just Hear Me Out…

Exploring the Impenetrable Vernacular: A Disomal  Quantal Triallelic Nanobot for Advanced Transphotolastimication of Chemiluminscent Plastical Polymers

Comparing Literature: The Brothers Karamazov and Lando Calrissian and the Mindharp of Sharu 1,2


1 Wikipedia: “When Lando heard that the planets of the Rafa System were practically buried in ancient alien treasure, he hopped aboard the Millennium Falcon, never stopping to think that someone might be conning the con man.”

2 Amazon.com user review: “Turns out this is the first book in the Lando trilogy. Lando’s recently won the Falcon, can’t fly or navigate or land. How far they come to becoming a rebel general in charge of a fleet. Basically, the young gambler and “con artiste” gets conned into going to Rafa to pick up a droid he “won” in a card game. The Toku, barely sentient savages of the Rafa system, have a myth about a Key Bearer w/ dark skin and a metalloid Emissary taking the Key to the Mindharp and freeing the oppressed or something. The Sharu were an ancient people on Rafa before the Toku and the current colonists. The Mindharp allegedly has powers over the mind. So what is the Mindharp? What happened to the Sharu? How’d the Toku take over when they’re barely sentient? And how can Lando regenerate toes? These and other questions get answered. I found the story hard to read. The young impatient Lando was funny and hard to place with the cynical and hard nosed administrator of Cloud City. But you can see how he and Han would be friends.”

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