Ten Ways to Get Revenge this Passover

Every year, for a week during the holiday of Passover, we Jews refrain from eating leavened bread in order to commemorate our people’s freedom from the Egyptians. If you think about it, this is total bullshit. Why are we punishing ourselves, instead of the Egyptians? Here’s what we Jews should be doing to make sure the Egyptians truly get the “Fuck You” message.

  1. Use mummy cloth as toilet paper.
  2. Airdrop millions of copies of 2006 horror flick / soft core porn travesty The Mummy’s Kiss: Second Dynasty
  3. Threaten more plagues
  4. Demand they build statues of Jon Stewart and Jerry Seinfeld
  5. Threaten to film Sex and the City 3, 4, 5, and 6 in Cairo
  6. Play Tomb Raider.
  7. Give the Sphinx a Jewish-looking nose.
  8. Insist on calling him King Tutankhamun-steinwitzberg
  9. Woody Allen makes State of De-Nile, a hard-hitting documentary about the revolution
  10. Make them eat Matzoh for a week

-MES and Staff

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