Mario Gets Ready for Showtime

World 1-1. Two plumbers stretch in the locker room.

Luigi: So. What’s on the agenda this time?

Mario: You know what it is. It’s the same thing it always is.

L: The dragon guy? Again?

M: He’s more like a turtle with spikes.

L: Whatever. I’m a plumber, not a cryptozoologist.

M: What’s a cryptozoologist?

L: A fiction writer with an ego problem.

M: You think everyone has an ego problem.

L: Why don’t you try playing second fiddle sometime. See how it feels.

M: What about the ghostbusters knockoff in the mansion? That was a solid game.

L: That about three people can remember.

M: It was better than “Super Princess Peach”.

L: She didn’t spend her entire  game running and screaming.

M: Wouldn’t that be sexist? It would’ve defeated the point.

L: And you’re missing my point. When people think of the Mario brothers, they think of…Mario.

M: Yeah. It’s pretty great.

L: You’re an ass.

M: A famous ass.

L: That’s not a counter-argument.

M: I don’t need one. I’m famous.

L: Why do I even try to talk to you?

M: Hell if I know. You never have anything new to say.

L: What do you expect? We’ve been doing the same thing since the eighties. Jump over animal. Save royalty. Repeat.

M: It’s a sweet gig, if you ask me. What kind of change are you looking for?

L: Go karts.

M: Are you serious?

L: I think it’ll work. Kids love go-karts.

M: How do you save a princess with a go-kart.

L: It wouldn’t be about saving a princess.

M: Blasphemy!

L: Trust me. This idea is gold.

M: Tell you what. We’ll try your insane go-kart heresy, if you stop hogging the fire flowers.

L: Deal.

M: I’m still calling it Mario Kart.

L: Eat a dick.

M: You need to chill out. Do you want a mushroom?

L: I don’t roll outside of work.

M: Your loss. Alright, let’s do this.

The pair charges out of the locker room, into a brightly colored field full of angry multi-colored turtles. Luigi falls into the first bottomless chasm he comes across. A memorial is built before the World One castle, and remains to this day.

You May Also Like