Administration Unveils New Grade Deflation Strategies

In an attempt to break the 35% barrier, the Princeton administration unveiled an audacious new plan to decrease the number of As given.

  • Libraries to close at 3 pm.
  • Finals to be held Wednesday nights, in TI
  • No language departments, except Chinese and Russian
  • COS 126 added as AB requirement
  • Con Interp added as BSE requirement
  • One in ten As to be randomly converted to Cs
  • All Sociology course work to be graded by Physics professors

When asked to comment on these new policies, University President Shirley Tilghman stated “We’re going through some financially tough times, and although our endowment wasn’t as hard hit as Harvard’s, we’ve learned our lesson.  Giving out As is simply too expensive.”  Neither Dean Malkiel nor President Tilghman will be speaking at any future Whig-Clio events.

Sad.

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