Björk Discovers Words

REYKJAVIK – Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter Björk, whose sound has been described as “unique,” “sound,” and “like the frightened cries of a partially sedated, dying penguin,” today discovered words while working in her private studio. This breakthrough represents the first use of human language in Björk’s music.

“It was a revelation,” she said through a translator. “I could suddenly express feelings and emotion through something other than pitchy wailing. I knew I had stumbled onto something big.”

And big it was.  Within hours Björk had entirely reinterpreted Aesop’s fables in a musical style reminiscent of a whining pubescent teenager with a speech impediment, and she had set Sam I Am to a new-age beat punctuated by imported African hand drums. She then began to work her way through classics of Icelandic literature, such as “Snow,” “Who’s Up for Some Geothermal Power?” and of course the famous “It’s Really Goddamn Cold Out Here.”

Other endeavors since the discovery have been less successful, however, such as her ill-advised mash up of her hit single “Earth Intruders” and famous English children’s books. Critics have universally panned the lyrics, which seem somewhat forced: “See spot run / We are the earth intruders / Run spot run / Turmoil! Carnage!”

It is still unclear why it took the singer so long to develop language; the current leading theory speculates that if your name were Björk Guðmundsdóttir (really), you might have trouble with words too.

-JRV ’12 from an idea by Z ’12

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