10. Stage a live stage adaptation of “Where the Wild Things Are” on Shirls’s desk.
9. Glitter-glue flowers on any and all important documents you can get your hands on.
8. Inquire as to how many boxes of Thin Mints she would like this year.
7. Participate in a staring contest. Or that game where you and a partner try to slap each other’s palms.
6. Find out how the close working relationship with Gen. David Petraeus is going.
5. “…Magnets. How do they work?”
4. Present our intrepid leader with a dyed macaroni necklace.
3. “I’m compiling statistics on the types of socks Princetonians wear.”
2. Beg to borrow the Princeton Mace for your next cosplay gathering.
1. “PROFESSOR! PROFESSOR! MY SCAR REALLY HURTS!”