In a move which seems calculated to alienate his already-shrinking fan base, President Barack Obama has hired director M. Night Shyamalan to replace Senior Advisor David Axelrod.
“I just think my first term could really use a twist-ending,” said the President, defending his controversial move.
Recent polls show that the appointment is extraordinarily unpopular outside of the demographic of people who have been in a coma since 2002, the year Signs was released. The youth demographic, from which Obama received significant support during his 2008 campaign, showed extreme disapproval in light of Shyamalan’s recent butchering of the acclaimed cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Roger Ebert offered an especially scathing criticism: “Oh boy. Another predictable thriller. The economy is floundering for no reason. How bizarre and unpredictable. But wait. There’s a twist. THE ECONOMY DOESN’T EVEN EXIST!”
Obama, who expressed that his “feelings were really hurt,” responded: “I just can’t see how the man who brought us Signs and The Sixth Sense could screw anything up.”
Shyamalan, for his part, has expressed interest in retrospectively putting the first two years of Obama’s presidency in 3-D.