The renowned world traveler, diver, astronaut, escape artist, and occasional time traveler known only to the world as Waldo, in an exclusive interview with the Tiger, recently revealed that after decades of wearing the same sweater and hat combination and hiding in plain sight, he has finally realized what he was hiding from.
“It just hit me all of a sudden, while I was scuba diving in a school of red and white fish: why am I doing this? I’m too old to be an adrenaline jockey, I’m setting a terrible example to all those kids who follow me around wearing similar clothes to mine. They think life is just one adventure after another,” said the itinerant gentleman.
“I missed my brother’s wedding,” he added.
He has announced plans to establish the Here’s Waldo Foundation, an organization dedicated to reintegrating thrillseekers like himself into ordinary society.