Burqas: A Scientific Defense

burqa_2Burqas: A Scientific Defense

A fundamental principle of modern sociological thought is the legendary syllogism that states that mo’ money yields mo’ bitches yields mo’ problems, or the “Gangsta’s Chain.” An oft-neglected corollary to the Chain derives from the postulate that it is to the end of bitches that the efforts of an individual are directed: the Rule of Pimpage, it is called.

When a man becomes sexually attracted to a woman in a transient way, the two may do certain unspeakable things, possibly involving chains, ropes, whips, food, and genitalia. These terrible things drive men to seek out sexual partners to engage in such behaviors.

Successful evolution requires that females take the mate most capable of both fathering the most biologically fit children and seeing those children reach reproductive age. Therefore, a bitch tends to seek out males with demonstrated fitness for their environment, i.e. rich ones. When a young thug recognizes this fact, he will often seek out the means of evincing his capabilities. This quest to make that dolla’ inevitably means the game is all about making that GTA.

Now, in an environment of limited opportunities, the competition for resources is fierce. Recognizing this fact, many boys in the hood are forced to become increasingly “hard,” which is to say ready to bust up an individual in bid’ness (read it phonetically) conflict. It is this need that drives gang violence, drug dealing, and all sorts of other ill shit.

When such a scenario occurs, society as a whole suffers, particularly when this jockeying for strategic resources places a particular individual in conflict with another over a potential mate.   Violence erupts, tearing asunder the fabric of decent society as crews develop to give a particular thug backup. Of course, no self-respecting thug play like dat and shit will, indubitably, go down. This is the Rule of Pimpage.

A Potential Solution: The Burqa

We have now reached the point at which we must arrive at a conclusion regarding the means by which we might keep shit quiet: burqas. While it is true that male sex-drive will never be entirely suppressed (even in an environment of ugly biddies it is necessary for an individual to get his), the concept of mimicry in nature provides a means of forcing it to be channeled through more productive means. A butterfly with a particular pattern and a poisonous character leads to imitators of an innocuous nature replicating that pattern. The key to the whole scheme is that predator species encounter dangerous specimens more frequently than they encounter benign ones. Similarly, if a bitch be wearing a burqa, no one will have a firm grasp of her visage. If burqas become universal, all it would take is a few lessons of gettin’ wif an aesthetically not pleasing ho to prevent generalized sexual targeting.

With this generalized targeting decreased, males would be more inclined to discover the appearance of an individual before attempting to mate. This reduces impulsive relationships, thereby reducing the poorly formulated choices which lead to violence. The Rule of Pimpage would be subverted.

I mean, shit, look at the Arabs. They don’t have any sort of a problem with organized violence.

Lucius Lund VIII

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