King of Pop’s Death Sparks Bloody War of Succession

kingofpopMichael Jackson, the long-reigning King of Pop, has died, leaving behind a bankrupt estate, grieving subjects, and a treacherous power vacuum.  The king’s sudden death came as a shock, and rumors suggest he may even have been poisoned by a member of his own court.

As thousands of Jackson’s subjects grieved, the other members of Pop royalty watched quietly, their machinations temporarily hidden out of respect for the fallen king.  Gladys Knight appeared without lance or armor to perform the Lord’s Prayer, but as soon as the King of Pop was laid to rest his failure to name a successor sparked open war among the surviving nobles.

It came as no surprise that Lady Gaga, young leader of the Haus of Gaga, was among the first to lay claim to the royal birthright, claiming Jackson as one of her influences.  Many believe that Prince ought instead be king, but the rest of Pop royalty says he forever forfeited his right of succession in the 90s by renouncing his name to become “the artist formally known as Prince.”

There has not been such vicious infighting since the death of Elvis, first King of Rock.  In the wake of the King’s death, Rock splintered into many warring genres.  Without a strong king Pop too grows vulnerable.  The Kings of Leon, based in Southern Rock, have already made multiple incursions into Pop.

Yet some believe a Pop hero will reveal himself, emerging from obscurity to take all of Pop by storm.  Others put their faith in rumors and prophecy, for whispered words tell of an unlikely savior.  Though he left Pop long ago on a quest for new material, a desperate few still hope Sir-Mix-Alot will return with a double platinum single, the Holy Grail of the music world.

-SL ’10

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