Month: September 2009

Pinball Wizard Outed as Fraud

In a revelation that has rocked the world of competitive pinball, international champion Derek Dolohov, commonly known as…

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How to Pretend You Care About Genocide

We know, you lead a busy life. Your time is valuable. It’s hard to be you. But lately,…

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Swine Flu Threatens Bestiality Rights

Members of the administration as well as the health industry are cautioning the public against engaging in contact…

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U-Store Announces Expansion

In the face of the current economic crisis, the Princeton University Store has recently announced a diversification of…

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FEMA’s New Children’s Stories

Last year, FEMA pulled their children's coloring book about 9/11 from their website after a public outcry drew…

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Princeton Symposium to Encourage Interdisciplinary Approach to Alcoholism

Princeton University, home to thousands of brilliant minds from diverse intellectual backgrounds, is encouraging its students and faculty…

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Annual Nobel Prizefighters’ Deathmatch Ends in Unprecedented Carnage

The 109th Nobel Prize ceremony's popular annual laureate reunion death match to the death and subsequent country club…

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The Adventures of Protagacles

Tell me, O muse, of that resourceful man Protagacles who wandered far and wide after ravaging the sacred…

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King of Pop’s Death Sparks Bloody War of Succession

Michael Jackson, the long-reigning King of Pop, has died, leaving behind a bankrupt estate, grieving subjects, and a…

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Notes on Diversity: An Open Letter to President Tilghman

Dear President Tilghman, I was recently speaking with a prospective student about the process of applying to college,…

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