Month: September 2009
Pinball Wizard Outed as Fraud
In a revelation that has rocked the world of competitive pinball, international champion Derek Dolohov, commonly known as…
How to Pretend You Care About Genocide
We know, you lead a busy life. Your time is valuable. It’s hard to be you. But lately,…
Swine Flu Threatens Bestiality Rights
Members of the administration as well as the health industry are cautioning the public against engaging in contact…
U-Store Announces Expansion
In the face of the current economic crisis, the Princeton University Store has recently announced a diversification of…
FEMA’s New Children’s Stories
Last year, FEMA pulled their children's coloring book about 9/11 from their website after a public outcry drew…
Princeton Symposium to Encourage Interdisciplinary Approach to Alcoholism
Princeton University, home to thousands of brilliant minds from diverse intellectual backgrounds, is encouraging its students and faculty…
Annual Nobel Prizefighters’ Deathmatch Ends in Unprecedented Carnage
The 109th Nobel Prize ceremony's popular annual laureate reunion death match to the death and subsequent country club…
The Adventures of Protagacles
Tell me, O muse, of that resourceful man Protagacles who wandered far and wide after ravaging the sacred…
King of Pop’s Death Sparks Bloody War of Succession
Michael Jackson, the long-reigning King of Pop, has died, leaving behind a bankrupt estate, grieving subjects, and a…
Notes on Diversity: An Open Letter to President Tilghman
Dear President Tilghman, I was recently speaking with a prospective student about the process of applying to college,…