Tightrope Walkers Become More Macho

tightropeWalking on a tightrope may have looked fun to people who saw it on the cover of The Prince earlier this month. But it wasn’t challenging enough for some more daring ropists. “Come on, that thing was four feet off the ground! My blind paraplegic cat could’ve done it,” complained one of the undergrad stuntmen, who gave his name only as Scrappy.

The ropists are planning to raise the stakes by constructing a line across Washington Road. “That way, if one of us falls, he will get crushed by trucks!” explained Scrappy. “Regular tightropes are for wussies,” he added while making a w-shape with his hands.

The line runs from Frist Campus Center to the CJL, and if tightrope walkers happen to survive the 30-foot fall, they will likely be made into a boney paste by oncoming traffic. They also risk getting run over by cyclists and devoured by squirrels.

The risk may seem great, but ropists all over campus are seeking the glory that is so evasive in our pool of over-accomplished students. “If I make it, it’ll be like ‘You were the World Ping-Pong champion?! Oh yeah? Well I walked across Washington Road on a tightrope! To the CJL!’ What?!” Scrappy enthused. Scrappy also admitted that the prospect of a kosher meal at the finish line was enticing.

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