Brought to you by Tiger Magazine*
If you’re like most people you arrived at Princeton a few weeks ago ready to kick academic ass. By the second week, though, most remember that Princeton can be challenging. By the third they realize it is actually kind of hard. Damn hard, in fact. By the fifth week you’re staying up past 4:00 am to throw together an assignment that was due yesterday, sleeping through your first lecture because it’s boring and your second lecture because you can get the notes online. You have a paper due at noon that requires reading several hundred pages you never bothered to print out. You’ve got several options:
A. Cut corners. Skim the reading, type whatever comes to mind, hope your classmates’ work sucks more.
B. Take the time to do a decent job, but submit it late.
C. Red Bull. Lots of Red Bull. Coffee too. Trucker stims? Why not?
D. Get an extension.
Unfortunately, A results in low grades. B also results in low grades, but takes more effort and raises expectations for your future work. Students who choose C die young.
D has potential, but getting extensions can be a challenge. You’ll need either a legitimate reason (highly unlikely) or an extremely persuasive email that can elicit sympathy. But if you had time to craft such an eloquent email you wouldn’t need it in the first place, would you?
With Prefab[ulous] Extension Requests and the help of a friend you’ll be able to crank out convincing, original entreaties in no time!
I’m sorry to __________(verb) you at the last minute, but I really need some extra _______(noun) for this assignment. I have been _______(gerund) it all week, but I’d like more time to properly ________(verb) the _________(adjective) implications that have arisen in my work so far. They have led me to some really _________(adjective) ideas that go beyond _____________’s(foreign name) theories.
Unfortunately, ___________(plural noun) beyond my control have left me little opportunity to incorporate them. My roommate spilled _________(food or drink) on my computer, and a _________(noun) fell on my only backup. A few days ago my parents called to tell me Lucky, my pet _________,(animal) got hit by a _________(noun), and I had to fly home for the funeral. OH __________(ADJECTIVE) GOD! WHY DID YOU TAKE LUCKY FROM ME?!?
To make matters worse, I have been battling a tough case of _________________(disease or ailment) that I got eating at “______________(impoverished country) Night” in the dining hall. The work I’ve done so far has so much potential to be _________!(adjective) I would feel _________(adjective) if I gave you anything less than my best. Please, I only need ________(number) more days.
Thank you for __________,(gerund)