Rupert Murdoch Mistakenly Buys Whitman College on Ebay

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PRINCETON, NJ — Whitman College was recently listed for sale on Ebay, where Amero-Australinian tycoon Rupert Murdoch snatched it up using the ‘Buy It Now’ option. Murdoch allegedly gained control of the college after high-level negotiations between his wife and the Whitman family, who were ultimately unable to turn down Murdoch’s bid of $900 million.

The move was widely criticized by professors, students, and Whitman college staff who fear that Murdoch will not respect Whitman’s independence and produce shoddy, unedifying and biased college programming. While some Whitman men praised the purchase in hopes of seeing topless women, campus killjoys were out in force, making any fight for increased toplessness likely a losing battle.

While Murdoch promises to respect Whitman’s collegiate integrity, critics point to Murdoch’s purchase — and destruction — of Butler College after Master Sanjeev Kulkarni, as evidence of his ill intentions, refused to budge on the issue of waffle ceilings. Murdoch and his minions remain mum.

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