fountainsurfEveryone has at least one precept with one person who has totally wasted his/her education here at Princeton. That person speaks all the time in class yet has nothing to say. That person’s comments are off topic, and his/her papers are the academic equivalent of vaporware. Every time s/he chips in with some vacuous and thinly veiled self promotion, it is hard not to wonder what department has rewarded this behavior. Thereby begging the question: Which department is more academically bankrupt/souless – Woody Woo (WWS) or Comp Lit (COM)?

Breadth of Knowledge

WWS — Size of the Pacific, depth of a puddle. They are superficially knowledgeable and misinformed about almost everything.

COM — Size of a puddle, depth of the Atlantic. They can talk for hours about Post Post-Fascist Italian Literature for hours, but who the fuck cares?

Behavior in Precept

WWS — Easily the loudest person in precept. Really, there is no need to be that loud, ever. Unless you need to make sure that people know that you are in Woody Woo. Also, find something relevant to say. Nobody cares about your task force at all.

COM — Yes, we know you went to Paris; that has nothing to do with the discussion. I’m sure the preceptor likes that you can compare everything to some scarcely read and unpopular author who has yet to be translated into English, but no one else cares. This is why that guy hasn’t been translated into English.

Academic Trajectory

WWS — I-Banking. Nobody goes into the State Department or the CIA. When they want someone to create health care policy, they find an economist. When they want to do nuclear policy, they hire a physicist. Government agencies need policy majors the way a moose needs a hat rack.

COM — Abject Poverty. There are not enough publishing jobs to support Princeton’s Comp Lit department, let alone the other intellectual abortions from all the other top universities in America.

Saving Graces

WWS — Legitimately competitive admissions. At least they are starting wit semi-competent human potential.

COM — Prerequisites include knowledge of two languages. So, some hard work happened somewhere (probably the coast of Southern France…fucking slackers).

Reason for Being Douchebags

WWS — Not able to handle that everyone at Princeton got into Princeton, they have sought out the last institution where they can compete for admissions.

COM — Wow, you speak two languages. Big deal. So does the guy with the green card who bags my groceries. Get over it, and actually be relevant for a change.

Favorite Academic Crutch

WWS — The War on Terror, global warming, the internet and anything else Al Gore thinks is important.

COM — Barely relevant Nietzsche quotations and totally misunderstanding Foucault. If you wanted to major in philosophy, they have a department for that. If you wanted to learn about literary style and theory they also have a department for that. You have managed to do both poorly. Congratulations.

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