Letter to the Sexual Health Advisors, SHARE

Dear Sexual Health Advisors, SHARE Peer Educators, et al.,

I’ve been living a life of pain and repression. I am so embarrassed to admit this. You see, the thing is, I’ve always felt insecure about my butt. Since I was a kid, people have remarked on the various uses of my pratt, from using it measure large quantites (viz. an “ass-load,” or a “butt-load”) to it being grabbed by various uncles, coaches, and clowns to outfitting it with a transmission to get my “rear in gear.”

Which is why I want to thank you for your bicker education posters. After a while it hit me: you’re absolutely right, gosh darn it, asses are meant for grabbing! Not for that other non-sense! No longer will I shriek when the animal handler at the petting zoo pats it or the old man down the street caresses it! Keep it up! You can’t imagine the good you do. Thanks for setting me free from fear.

Newly Confident in Butler ’10

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