Club Woody Most Selective on the Street

woodyThe Woodrow Wilson School, now known as “Woody Club,” surpassed neighboring Tower Club as the most competitive on the street, bringing it under the wing of the ICC as Princeton’s sixth Bicker institution. Various officers from up and down the street expressed initial skepticism upon hearing (that) the new Club’s president, Dean Ann-Marie Slaughter, would be attending the ICC’s first post-bicker meeting, but were all relieved when, ten minutes in, she was heard to say “Who cares?! This ISN’T foreign policy, people, it’s a bunch of kids and their country clubs! Somebody get me a [exp. del.] beer.” Reportedly, she pantsed the entire TI officer corps at Robo that night. TI declined to comment.

Response from the administration concerning the success of Woody Club has been overwhelmingly positive. Says one West College staffer, “This is SO much more successful than Campus Club! Who knew toolishness had such appeal??” It would seem the Woody staff did. After healthy response to their first-ever pickups, they plan to host a club retreat at Camp David, possibly including a hunting expedition with prominent White House officials and VIP seats at the I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby appeal. The club recently signed an agreement with Brooks Brothers to produce their signature club suits and, as of March 14th, placed an order for a giant fifteen-foot statue of their new mascot, Kofi Annan. This statue will be placed in the fountain, purportedly alongside a giant jello-machine that will turn the fountain into a pool of jello-shots as their centerpiece for Houseparties.

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